Living with Ovarian Cancer Was Tough, But the Lessons I Learned Led to Lasting Joy and Clarity

As told to Nicole Audrey Spector

I was 48 years old when I felt a sudden shooting pain in my lower right abdomen. The pain came and went, and I didn’t worry too much at first.

But one night, the pain got so bad that I thought I was going to die. He had a high fever and he was very sick. My heart raced and sweat dripped from my shaking body.

I lived alone and I thought about calling an ambulance, but finally decided to stay the night. I finally fell asleep. The next morning, I made an appointment with my HCP who was able to see me right away.

When I arrived, the nurse practitioner looked at me and recognized that something was not right. She was concerned that she might have had appendicitis, so she put me in an ambulance and sent me to the nearest hospital. There, I had a bunch of tests to find out what was going on.

A CT scan and MRI revealed a huge, possibly cancerous mass on my left ovary and a smaller, possibly cancerous mass on my right ovary. It seemed that the movement of the mass in the left ovary caused me pain in the lower part of the right side.

I remember looking at a picture of the largest mass and feeling out of my body. I kept thinking, “So this is how people find out they might have cancer?”

It may seem hard to believe, but I was not afraid. Helping to overcome any fear was the quality of my attention. The ER doctor who treated me was respectful, easy to talk to, and a great listener. He was in constant contact with my HCP who quickly reviewed all the evidence and referred me to an amazing OB/GYN Dr. Stone.

I soon found out that Dr. Stone was passionate about self defense. Like my healthcare team in the ER, his team was fantastic as well. I was treated as an active participant in my own care rather than someone just receiving care. I have always felt like a trusted partner in decisions related to my care and have never had to fight to be heard.

There was no question that the ovary with the largest mass needed to be surgically removed immediately. But it was not yet clear if the mass was cancer. This was important to know because it would guide the next steps during surgery. If the mass were cancer, it would need a
radical hysterectomy to remove my cervix, uterus, part of my vagina, and nearby lymph nodes. Dr. Stone carefully explained everything to me beforehand, which allowed me to really think about what he wanted. I agreed to the procedure if necessary.

During surgery, Dr. Stone’s team took a sample of the mass, froze it, and then biopsied the site. The biopsy confirmed that I had ovarian cancer and I had a radical hysterectomy immediately.

When I woke up from surgery, my mother came in to tell me that she had ovarian cancer. She was devastated. But actually it was fine. She had never married me or had children, and I always thought that kind of life could be nice. But my mom taught me that being independent and alone is no less of a life than one with a husband and children. I didn’t find it so sad to lose my reproductive organs. If that’s what it took to get rid of cancer, then that’s what we had to do.

I was able to have this peace because of my faith and trust in God. I didn’t pray that I wouldn’t get cancer, or even that I wouldn’t die. I gave in to his plan and love. That surrender helped me feel light and confident.

Shortly after the surgery, I knew I had made the right decision.

“You are going to recover 100%!” Dr. Stone told me.

Although the surgery was successful, my battle with cancer had only just begun. Dr. Stone explained that because the ovaries move, they can spread microscopic cancer cells throughout the abdominal cavity. He would need to have four months of chemotherapy to destroy them.

Tara Solo Art Show, 2022 (Photo/Josiah Blackman)

The chemo was tough, even tougher than I thought it would be. But I tried to have a positive attitude at all times. And actually there were some aspects that I found less traumatic than I had imagined. For example, I dreaded the thought of losing my hair, but I was proactive about it. I went to a local cancer resource center to get a free shave and wigs. I had so much fun trying on all those wigs! It was like being in Disneyland. In fact, I had never been crazy about my natural hair. Wigs made me feel beautiful.

During chemotherapy, I had to reduce some of my responsibilities at work. My colleagues and the community were incredibly supportive and I switched to a part-time job. At first, this was jarring. I am an artist at heart, but I would always put that part of me aside so I could prioritize my day to day work. But my experience with chemotherapy helped me understand that I should be an artist first and then an employee.

Even after I finished chemotherapy and was declared disease free, I continued to deepen my relationship with myself as an artist. I ended up changing jobs and becoming a cancer self-management facilitator. The job not only fuels my passion for cancer advocacy work, but it allows me more time to make art, which is what makes me happiest.

Cancer is horrible. It is a fact. But in my experience, it can also be transformative. I can honestly say, thanks to God, an incredible medical team and the emergence of my inner wisdom, that I am a better and fuller human being today than I was before the cancer.

This resource was created with the support of Merck.

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